why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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