Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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