I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
