I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
what day is it and did you see me today?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
