i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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