My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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