don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
