he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
