I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
her vagine was all disorganized.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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