Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
