If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
