I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
