I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
