can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
