This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Randomize
