i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
