This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
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