Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
