A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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