I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
