you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
