There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
