And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
