guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
