they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
