I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
