we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
