why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
