This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
