Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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