she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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