i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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