if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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