she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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