i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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