I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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