So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
