I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
