Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
