I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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