On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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