I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
