Non-Jews are for practice
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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