you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
it glows. i had to have it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
