i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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