I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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