peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
