if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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