When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
