What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
