Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
