theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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