I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
