i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
