my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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