you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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