Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
