i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
