I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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